When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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