This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
