My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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