You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
