I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
