the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
