okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
