It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
