do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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