you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
