This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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