I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize