Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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