the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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