i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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