Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
