Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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