it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
