Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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