Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
