you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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