I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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