Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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