coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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