The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
