Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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