WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
