My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
