You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
