Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My bed is full of blood and feathers
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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