she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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