so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
