I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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