Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
