Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
