ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
