the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
