C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
