its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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