My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize