my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
