he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she looked like the before picture.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
