You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
