you traded sex for a burrito?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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