the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
