Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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