We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
