she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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