hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
