I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
