Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
