I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
