think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
