Best friends brother. Beat that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize