I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
