help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
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