went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm passing your future prison.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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