He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
