youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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