You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
