I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize