ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
