Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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