the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
