I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
