you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
