I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
