Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
