did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
