Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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